John Lackey Admits He Is Just An "Ok" Pitcher (bonus blog on how the 1986 Red Sox starting pitchers are like a box of Flavor-Ice)

I like John Lackey. I like that he has a hot wife. I like that he looks like Haywire from Prison Break. I also  like that, like yours truly, he appears to have no hair on his shins. And to boot, he is refreshingly candid about his mediocrity (again, like yours truly). He's also this spring's "expect big things because he lost weight" poster boy. It's tough to find a pre-season analysis of pitching that isn't filled with caveats like "if so and so's shoulder stays healthy" and "if he returns to form from 2 years ago" and "if he doesn't step on a broken mayonnaise jar". It's true, though, there's too many variables for anyone to act like they really know anything. But, would anybody be surprised if Beckett, Lester and Buchholz are all lights out this year? And Lackey and that crazy Asian motherfucker Dice-K are nothing to sneeze at in the 4&5 holes. No reason to worry, probably...maybe. Anyway, the only reason I'm even talking about the Sox pitchers right now is so I can finally share what I feel is the greatest analogy of all time.

Click below to find out why the 1986 Red Sox pitchers were like a box of Flavor-Ice.

I have what I feel is the greatest sports analogy ever in the history of mankind. It all came to me one summer afternoon in 1986 as I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted a red Flavor-Ice or an orange one. It just struck me; the selections in a Flavor-Ice box were just like the 1986 Red Sox starting pitching rotation.

To wit:

Roger Clemens = Red/Cherry. 4 out of 5 times I opened the freezer door I was pulling out a red one. It was always the easy decision and you really couldn’t go wrong.

Bruce Hurst = Orange/Orange. The no-brainer second choice and even if there were red ones left I sometimes found myself going with orange. Red was the most popular but I always secretly wondered if perhaps orange was truly the tastiest.

Oil Can Boyd = Purple/Grape. You would be nuts to pick a grape if there were any red ones left. I, personally, felt like the grape juice was more prone to give me stomach aches so I was always cautious when deciding to go with purple.

Al Nipper = Green/Lime. Under no circumstances should you pick green if red, orange or purple were available. I can vividly remember the wave of disappointment that washed over me when I opened the door to see 5 greens staring me in the face and nothing else.

Everybody else = Blue/????. I don’t remember if the Sox had a 5 man rotation in ’86 and I’m pretty sure that blue didn’t even come in every box. I have no clue what flavor blue was or if I ever even tried it. But I do know that Al Nipper got cleated covering home on a wild pitch and was on the DL for a bit and Tom Seaver, Wes Gardner and others made a bunch of starts so, by default, they are all blue.

NOTE: I realize that the picture above contains 6 flavors. But I swear that I never remember seeing a pink one. If you want, pink can be the bullpen or some shit...or better yet, pink can be Sean McDonough..zap!